Posted By: mellers on
..and Autumn it seems is in full swing.
Last week (Wed & Thurs) heralded a decided nip in the air of an evening and I was glad to have my 13-tog witer duvet on my bed. This week, I have seen the leaves falling from the trees and the local council performing their thankless and never ending task of trying to clear the roads of them. The "summer" border in my back garden - usually at it's best from June to August - is starting to look shabby and withered (and in need of a good Autumn clear-out - but that's another story) and most telling of all, I had to get my gloves out and wear them while cycling to my therapy appointment and later to go shopping too.
Summer has finally left us behind it seems but it's a shock because less than 2 weeks ago I was sitting in 35 degree temps in the South of France. How quickly the seasons change these days, maybe I'm getting old or maybe it's just wishful thinking that Summer should be longer or warmer than it actually is.
I'm finding myself thinking of gardening quite a bit at the moment which in a way seems a positive thing. It's one of the things I have found I have to stop doing completely at times when my depression is at it's worst. The fear and panic of such an awsome and gigantic task paralyses me in to inaction in the most counter-productive way possible. The last 2 therapy sesions I have attended houwver seem to indicate that I am making progress and even though Angela went off on one again this morning as something I said, it seems clear to me on this occasion that the insecurity is with her and not in what I said. It still upsets me though.
I'm wondering if I should have a "gardening" year next year instead of having any holidays at all. This year, I abandoned the garden through fear and panic but also becasue not having vegetables growing, meant no ties and commitments. Having seen what a disaster trying to vacation with the guy I share a house with WAS for my mental health, I can't help wondering if I would be better off staying at home next year and devoting my time, energy (and of course the money I would save) to the house and garden rather than wasting it spending 4 weeks with someone I can bear to be with. It's a tempting prospect but I need to make sure I don't feel like I am missing out.
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