Posted By: lil_travi13 on

Monday, July 28th, 2008, 5:11 am

IT'S HARD FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS BECAUSE THE WAY I GREW UP, I NEVER LET MYSELF REALLY FEEL ANYTHING. I'VE SEEN AND DONE TOO MUCH. IT GOT TO THE POINT THOUGH, WHERE I WANTED TO CHANGE AND BE BETTER, AND IN ORDER TO DO THAT, I HAD TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MY EMOTIONS. IMAGINE YEARS OF PAIN AND LOSS AND TRAUMA AND JUST THINGS THAT NOBODY SHOULD GO THROUGH, BUT WAY TO MANY PEOPLE HAVE. NOW IMAGINE FEELING IT ALL AT ONCE-IT WAS HARD. YOU DON'T WANT TO CRY AND FEEL WEAK, BUT YOU'RE TO CONFUSED TO KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO. AND YOU THINK ALL THAT WOULD PREPARE YOU FOR SOMETHING AS SMALL AS WHAT IS ON MY MIND?!

I FEEL STUPID RIGHT NOW. I'VE NEVER BEEN THIS GIRL BEFORE. I MET A GUY(HERE IT GOES!) NOT EVEN TO LONG AGO, WHICH IS WIERD. I'LL TELL YOU WHY. BECAUSE OF THE WAY I WAS BEFORE, I NEVER LET MYSELF GET CLOSE TO ANYONE. IF I EVER STARTED TO LIKE SOMEBODY I WOULD PUSH THEM AWAY FOR TWO REASONS: 1. I WAS SURE THAT THEY WE'RE ONLY TRYING TO GET INTO MY PANTS AND 2. I WAS YOUNG AND NEW I WAS(STILL AM) YOUNG AND JUST WANTED TO STAY FOCUSED ON SECURING MY FUTURE. I THOUGHT GIRLS COMPLAINED TO MUCH ABOUT BOYS ANYWAYS, LIKE WHY NOT JUST GET OVER THEM, I NEVER HAD A PROBLEM DOING IT! BUT WAS THAT BECAUSE I NEVER LET MYSELF FEEL ANYTHING FOR THEM! WELL DUH!

SO I MET A GUY THIS SUMMER, AND INSTANTLY FELT AN ATTRACTION. AT FIRST I STARTED TO SHY AWAY, CONVINCING MYSELF THAT IT WOULDN'T TURN INTO ANYTHING, AND THAT I JUST NEED TO STAY FOCUSED. THEN AFTER SOME SELF REALIZATIONS, DECIDED THAT I NEEDED TO FINALLY JUST LET GO, AND OPEN UP- AFTERALL, WE HAD ALREADY BEEN GETTING TO KNOW EACHOTHER AND HE SEEMED LIKE A REALLY GOOD GUY.

WE HAD A LOT IN COMMON. HE LIKED ANIMALS AND NATURE AND WAS REALLY FUNNY, BUT WE ALSO WERE COMPLETELY OPPOSITE. I'M VERY ORGANIZED AND ALWAYS DRESSED TO IMPRESS AND HE'S... WELL HE'S CUTE! NONE OF IT REALLY SEEMED TO MATTER THOUGH. I LET HIM TAKE ME ON MY FIRST REAL DATE(I KNOW 19 AND BARELY STARTING TO DATE...COME ON NOW...AND IM HOT!LOL) I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE I'VE NEVER BEEN INVOLVED WITH SOMEBODY, IT'S JUST ALWAYS BEEN MORE OF A FRIEND/PHYSICAL THING FOR ME. I WAS NEVER INTERESTED IN ANYTHING MORE. AFTER A WHILE THOUGH I COULDN'T STAND THE FEELING, SO I CUT GUYS OFF COMPLETELY, UNTIL HE CAME ALONG. OK, IM DRAGGING THIS OUT ENOUGH!

WELL BASICALLY WE WERE HAVING A GREAT TIME. WE KISSED AND ONE DAY IT WENT A LITTLE FURTHER THAN THAT. I WAS CAUGHT IN THE MOMENT AND COULDN'T SAY NO, BUT REALIZED I WASN'T READY TO DO MORE. SO I TOLD HIM STRAIGHT UP, WE'RE MOVING TO FAST. HE WAS REALLY SWEET ABOUT IT. HE SAID NOTHING WILL HAPPEN AGAIN UNTIL I WAS READY. THE NEXT TIME WE KICKED IT HE WAS TRUE TO HIS WORD, BUT I GUESS HE REALIZED THAT I WASN'T JUST SAYING WHAT I SAID TO SEEM INNOCENT. I REALLY MEANT IT. HE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT THOUGH.

A FEW DAYS LATER HE STOPPED BY BUT JUST FOR A MINUTE(REALLY) AND I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WIERD BY THE WAY HE LOOKED AT ME. I KEPT TO MYSELF, BUT THE NEXT DAY WHEN OUR MUTUAL FRIEND CAME OVER, HE WAS TELLING ME STORIES ABOUT THE NIGHT BEFORE. HE JUST HAPPENED TO NONCHALANTLY MENTION HOW THE GUY I WAS SEEING WAS WITH HIS EX THAT NIGHT. IM NOT STUPID. I GREW UP AS ONE OF THE GUYS AND I KNOW HOW THEY SAY THINGS WHEN THEY'RE DROPPING CLUES, AND THIS WAS DEFINITELY A BIG ONE READING "LEAVE HIM ALONE." AND SO I DID. I DON'T LIKE TO PUSH. I SENT HIM ONE TEXT AFTER THAT AND THERE WAS NO RESPONSE. IT'S BEEN A COUPLE WEEKS AND HE STILL HASN'T CALLED ME AND I HAVEN'T CALLED HIM.  

NOW, HE WASN'T THE THING THAT'S HARD TO GET OVER-TRUST ME, THAT'S NOTHING. IT'S THIS WIERD FEELING I HAVE IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACHE SAYING, "YOU FOOL. YOU JUST GOT PLAYED. ALL THIS TIME YOU BELIEVED IT WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT, BUT REALLY HE WAS JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER IMMATURE GUYS OUT THERE. HE JUST NEEDS TO GROW UP." AND THE THING THAT REALLY BOTHERS ME THOUGH, IS THAT I DON'T KNOW IF I REALLY LIKED HIM, OR IF I WAS JUST TRYING TO GET OVER SOMETHING FROM MY PAST AND FINALLY JUST FEEL SOMETHING. WELL I DID THOUGH, AND LET ME TELL YOU, I FELT PRETTY STUPID. WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL THOUGH IF I WASN'T WRITING ABOUT IT. I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO EXPRESS MYSELF. I HAVE A REALLY HARD TIME OPENING UP TO PEOPLE. I WON'T LET MY FEELINGS SHOW. I'M JUST THE GIRL THAT'S ALWAYS HAPPY AND GOOFING OFF. THAT'S WHY I WRITE. I'VE NEVER WRITTEN A BLOG BEFORE THOUGH.

I GUESS IN THE END I LEARNED THAT I REALLY WASN'T READY AND I DON'T HAVE TO BE RIGHT NOW. ALSO I CAN'T TRUST FEELINGS THAT COME ON SO FAST. THROUGH IT ALL I JUST HAVE TO DEPEND ON MYSELF AND REMEMBER WHAT I WANT. THERE IS NOBODY OUT THERE WHO IS GOING TO MAKE ME OPEN UP. I HAVE TO DO THAT ON MY OWN. ONE DAY I WILL BE READY, AND WHEN I AM, I CAN START THINKING ABOUT GETTING MORE SOCIALLY INVOLVED WITH SOMEBODY. FOR NOW THOUGH, I THINK I'LL JUST STICK TO ME. SO THAT'S MY SUMMER STORY. ANYONE WANT TO SHARE THEIRS?

Tags: summer, relationships, romance, boys

Posted By: avflox on

Thursday, July 10th, 2008, 9:25 pm

The fairy tale is over: Shania Twain is splitting from her husband, Robert "Mutt" Lange. Wait, don’t slam your browser down on me, I'm going somewhere with this (I'm only a scandal monger when I have the details).

Canadian country singer Twain and record-producer Lange have been married for fourteen years. The couple met at Fan Fair in 1993, after Lange heard her debut album and hit up her record label for Twain's number. They married six months later and many criticized the move as an attempt by Twain to further her career.

In response, Twain wrote what would become her first Billboard 100 top ten hit, the Grammy Award-winning song, "You're Still The One."

It almost feels like the end of an era. OK, fine, a decade. I was fifteen when the song came out ten years ago. I had been involved with a few boys, but I was just starting my first significant emotional relationship. I remember seeing the music video and thinking, "one day, I will have that. One day, I will meet a man and fall in love and we will live happily ever after." You know, the stuff Disney told us with every movie during our formative years.

"And they lived happily ever after," is a convenient end for a writer.

In the preview for the Sex And The City movie, New York's favorite single gal, Carrie, is seen reading a bedtime story to her friend Charlotte’s daughter.

"'Cinderella and the prince lived happily ever after,'" she reads, then pauses. "You know, things don't really happen like this in real life, I just think you should know now."

The movie promises a twist to the traditional happy ending, hinting--not at all subtly--at perhaps a more realistic conclusion. I don't buy it. Sex And The City hasn't had its stilettos on the ground since the book (if then--bear with me).

Sequel or no sequel, the writers will make it work in the end like a proper Disney story.

Because reality, for all the "reality" TV on our televisions, doesn't sell very well. How many of us didn't detest Téa Leoni’s character in Spanglish? She’s too real, too messy, and hits too close to home. We gravitated toward Paz Vega's Flor, whose mentalité is nothing like that of most of us, no matter how much like our mothers we have become.

I think we need less stories about what happens between the first kiss and the altar and more about what happens after that, before the reconciliation or divorce court.

I came into marriage completely unprepared. I had no idea what I was getting into. I really thought nothing would change, that the title of wife was just that: a title. I thought my relationship would remain exactly the same as it was, with just that and a few other minor differences.

I didn't know better. I mean, I had nothing to go by. Carrie ends up with Mr. Big. And they live happily ever after, obviously. Right?

I had a pretty good example of a stable marriage. My mother and father are still together. Divorce, for the most part, is uncommon in my family. But there are a lot of fairy tales there. Deep valleys of hardship are suffered alone and left undiscussed. Trouble in a marriage, you see, is a dirty, shameful thing.

It's not like a divorce where you can point fingers, go insane, even make a video and put it on YouTube about how horrible your ex is (which, while tacky, it isn't shameful, especially not when you are the lover scorned). But when you're still together, expressing your concerns on issues could tarnish your partner and, by grace of union, you. So we say nothing.

Essentially, we are fighting the biggest battles, climbing the tallest towers and slaying the meanest dragons in silence. I think we need an attitude adjustment.

Maybe if we talk more openly about what's really going on in our heads and in our marriages, we'll find a more successful way to truthfully communicate to our partners as we make our way through the uncharted territory that is the Gen Y marriage.

And maybe then Gen Z will be able to stand on the shoulders of giants, see further, plan better, know better and, who knows, maybe actually live happily ever after.

Tags: love, relationships, divorce, marriage

Posted By: avflox on

Thursday, July 10th, 2008, 9:19 pm

Late last year Maxim, a popular men's entertainment magazine, released their list of the world's unsexiest women. I haven't read Maxim since high school, so I missed it until the former Sex and the City star stirred up the hype again in a recent interview with Grazia that got picked up by everyone prone to sensationalism and senseless celeb-bashing (i.e., CNN and FOX News).

For all of you guys who missed it the first time, this is what Maxim had to say about the fashion diva who stole women's hearts with her dating antics: "How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title? Pull your skirt down, Secretariat, we'd rather ride Chris Noth."

(For those of you who don't do the Triple Crown, Barbaro was the horse we thought would take it all in 2006. Sadly, he shattered his leg at the Preakness and was eventually put to sleep. Secreariat, meanwhile, was the winner of 1973 Triple Crown.)

Something I loved about the show Sex and the City was that the main character was not drop-dead gorgeous. The role of hottie was delegated to the initially meek-and-mild Charlotte. Samantha, the PR sexpot, was unabashedly older; Miranda, the indepndent woman and attorney, was at times quite frumpy; and Carrie, the neurotic writer, was a shapeless twig with messy curly hair, and a long face. Why not? Why shouldn't non-bombshells get some?

"Do I have big fake boobs, Botox and big lips?" asks Sarah Jessica Parker rhetorically. "No. Do I fit some ideals and standards of some men writing in a men's magazine? Maybe not. Am I really the unsexiest woman in the world? Wow! It's kind of shocking... It's condemnation, it's insane. What can I do? I guess you can't please all people."

So she's not Angelina Jolie. So what? Isn't Courtney Love less sexy? Or Hillary Rodham Clinton? Come on.

The bite in the statement by Maxim is so vicious, there has to be something else at play. Maxim, after all, isn't the first to hurl insults at the former sitcom fashionista. Certainly many of my male friends have expressed a distaste for her.

Frankly, I don't think it has anything to do with Sarah Jessica Parker. This is about what Carrie Bradshaw represents.

Carrie is the psycho ex-girlfriend who wants you only when she can't have you. Carrie is the spendthrift with a million shoes and no savings or financial plan. Carrie is the girl who sacks your apartment when you're not in it to get the dirt on you. Carrie is the girl who would expose your sexual fetishes to the public to get even. Carrie is the girl who mocks your wife's spelling errors. Carrie is the girl who abused your current boyfriend beyond fixing. Carrie is the girl who's never voted and who judges politicians based on their looks. Carrie is the girl who brought her ex to your cabin because "he's depressed". Carrie is the girl who slept with your husband. Carrie is the girl who hates the engagement ring you picked out for her. Carrie is the girl who says she'll marry you but doesn't mean it. Carrie is the girl who doesn't really get your art or your music and doesn't really try. Carrie is the girl who has an affair with her ex while you sand the floor of the apartment you bought her. Perhaps worst of all, Carrie is the girl who doesn't really care about your dog.

It's not just men who can't stomach her. Women are probably as terrified of being perceived as "a Carrie" as they are of turning into their mothers.

The truth is that we all know Carrie. We've all loved Carrie or been Carrie. Our repulsion for this character is nothing but a refusal to acknowledge that we, too, have done and put up with unbelievably stupid behaviors.

Sarah Jessica Parker may be a Carrie on some days, too. But she is not Carrie. If we really need to hurl indignation, let's do it where it belongs: in the mirror. This time, let's keep the allusions to thoroughbreds and cruel skinny jokes to ourselves and be try to be, you know, mature and constructive and stuff.

Tags: relationships, sex and the city, maxim

Posted By: avflox on

Thursday, July 10th, 2008, 9:07 pm

"Sex and the twin cities!" screams a special on the Rock 106. "It's the hottest new ladies' night in town! From 5:00 PM 'til 9:00 PM in the bar and out on the patio, ladies get all premium martinis for just $3.99! Don’t worry guys! You get to be Mr. Big!"

Listening as we drive through Louisiana feels like going back in time, both because of the unfamiliar setting and because of the allusion to Sex and the City.

Sex and the City changed a generation. Not because it opened the eyes of women and helped them embrace their sexuality but because, in ending with all four protagonists coupled up, the show confirmed what all the so-called Single and Fabulous! women of the late 90s and early 00s had feared all along: that the exclamation point after Single and Fabulous is a cruel question mark.

It caused an incredible backlash: from sitcoms like Desperate Housewives and Army Wives, where the emphasis is on married women and mothers, to reality fests like Bridezillas and The Real Housewives of Orange County, we can’t seem to get enough of the kind of women we spent over half a decade mocking (cue Miranda: "I’m telling you, married people are the enemy").

But the cultural shift is not just happening inside out TVs--it's outside the window, too. Lizzy Ratner writes in The New York Observer: "recent years have seen a breed of ambitious, twentysomething nesters settling in the city, embracing the comforts of hearth and home with all the fervor of characters in Middlemarch. This prudish pack--call them the New Victorians--appears to have little interest in the prolonged puberty of earlier generations. While their forbears flitted away their 20's in a haze of booze, Bolivian marching powder, and bed-hopping, New Vics throw dinner parties, tend to pedigreed pets, practice earnest monogamy, and affect an air of complacent careerism. Indeed, at the tender age of 28, 26, even 24, the New Vics have developed such fierce commitments, be they romantic or professional, that angst-ridden cultural productions like the 1994 movie Reality Bites, or Benjamin Kunkel's 2005 novel Indecision, simply wouldn't make sense to them."

Arts eschewed by recent generations such as cooking, gardening, home decoration and bathroom renovation have made a full-force comeback. Martha Stewart made a grave error, but the most important thing is that she makes great gravy.

"Such concerns tend to occupy a good plot of space in the New Victorian mind," writes Ratner, "crowding out more troublesome notions like 'Why are we in Iraq?' or even 'Why I am attracted to my best friend’s husband?' (The adultery-filled pages of John Updike’s best novels now seem like dispatches from a foreign land. One need only mention the word 'affair' in the chatroom pages of Urbanbaby.com to get quickly excoriated as a 'home wrecker'; the New Victorian morality is not one that permits nuance or discretion.) Single people are to be pitied--that is, if their existence is even acknowledged."

This return is part of something bigger, a sort of massive hangover after a decade of Sex and the City antics. The martinis, shoes and game of musical beds of Single and Fabulous! was a momentary fix to the powerful Reality Bites-induced existential crisis of the early 90s. It gave us a sense of purpose.

The names of the boys and bars and even fave drinks and designers change. But the storyline is the same. Suddenly, Single and Fabulous! starts to fall apart. You see the wrinkles under the flawless makeup and the sagging, less flexible skin. "Single and Fabulous!" you scream at the mirror, spilling a little vodka on the cheap dresser you bought off eBay a few years ago after you got tired of putting your make-up on top of cardboard boxes. It's so hard being a working woman in a not-so-fabulous job and having a closet full of fabulous shoes and going out every night! Single and Fabulous!

Single and fabulous?

"I don't think anyone drifts for the sake of drifting anymore," says Anya Kamenetz, 26, the Yale-educated author of Generation Debt. "There's much more of a purposeful zigzagging. It's very much like, 'I'm going to check off this list of things.' And it might be the same things that my older brother and sister did when they were out of college, but they did it with this aimlessness and relaxation, while we do it with a sense of the life course and 'what are you going to accomplish?'"

What, indeed, I couldn't help but wonder.

"They say nothing lasts forever," comes Carrie’s answer from the trailer for Sex and the City: The Movie. "Dreams change, trends come and go…" and with all the shots of her in Mr. Big's arms and one half of the cast tending to toddlers, it looks like Single and Famous! is out like last season's Louboutins.

Tags: love, relationships, marriage

Posted By: weselladulttoys.com on

Friday, April 25th, 2008, 9:26 pm

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Tags: love, relationships, married, single